Monday, November 6, 2017

Breaking news!

From around the world, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters brings you the stories that impact your lives.


DATELINE: Pennsylvania, USA

Mr. Steven Rago, who was out on bail for simple assault, went to court to pay his fees.

While there he noticed another person, also waiting in line to pay charges, had set his wallet on the counter. Mr. Rago quickly pocketed it. A few minutes later he used the stolen money to pay his own fees.

The entire episode was caught on camera, and Mr. Rago's bail was rescinded due to the new charges.



DATELINE: Osnabrueck, Germany

A man in a movie theater had difficulty opening the bottle of beer he'd purchased for the show. Rather than leaving the flick to use the church key at the concessions counter, he innovatively tried to pop it open with something in his pocket.

In this case, a pepper-spray canister.

The pepper cartridge exploded, flooding the theater with the noxious stuff and causing the evacuation of 200 tearing moviegoers. The cinema's manager called the police, and was able to get the theater's air cleared after about 30 minutes.

No word as to whether he got the beer open.



DATELINE: Bretten, Germany.

An 81 year old man working around his house called the police bomb squad when he discovered what appeared to be an unexploded WW2 bomb in his garden.

Responding officers identified the explosive as actually being a "particularly large" zucchini.

The zucchini was 16" (40cm) land and weighed 11 lbs (5kg).

One police officer noted it "really did look very like a bomb.”

The offending squash's fate wasn't given.


Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Still sick

But in looking through the national news I noticed the guys who match pictures to headlines are also apparently out today.




Monday, October 30, 2017

Out sick

Fighting off some crud my kids brought home.  Back soon.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Wednesday afternoon

Mary: "Hi, this is Mary at Dr. Grumpy's office,  just calling to confirm your appointment tomorrow, Thursday morning, at 9:30."

Ms. Remind: "Um, really? I thought it was Friday morning at 9:30?"

Mary: "Well, I have you down for Thursday, but the 9:30 slot is open on Friday, so I can change it to that if you prefer."

Ms. Remind: "No, you don't need to change it. I'm leaving town tonight, anyway, so I can't do either."

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Seen in a chart






Thank you, KL!

Friday, October 13, 2017

Off for kids' fall break

Back on October 24! See you then!

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Big

One typo is made (at least I HOPE it's a typo), and the computer runs with it.




Thank you, S!

Monday, October 9, 2017

Saturday night

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Mr. Plan: "Hi, sorry to call you after hours, but I need to see a neurologist and was wondering if you take Sick & Tired HMO."

Dr. Grumpy: "No, I'm sorry, I don't have a contract with them. You might try Dr. Brain, I believe he does."

Mr. Plan: "But I really wanted to see you. Can't you make an exception and take Sick & Tired just for my case?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I can't do that, and they don't allow it. I mean, you could pay cash to see me, but even then they won't pay for any tests or medications I might order. So you're best off just seeing someone in the plan."

Mr. Plan: "You can't send them a letter saying you're making an exception in my case, and that you promise not to see anyone else on their plan again?"

Dr. Grumpy: "It doesn't work that way. Let me give you Dr. Brain's number."

Mr. Plan "Thanks for nothing."

Click.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Morning

Dr. Grumpy: "Good morning, have a seat on the exam table. Have you ever had an EMG before?"

Mr. Acetaldehyde: "Holy crap doc, you don't need to talk so loud. I'm not deaf, I swear."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sorry, didn't realize I was. Can you take off your sunglasses?"

Mr. Acetaldehyde: "Yeah, but can you turn off the lights? They're really bright."

Dr. Grumpy: "Just keep them on, then. I can't do the test in the dark. Are you okay?"

Mr. Acetaldehyde: "I'm really hung over. I went to the Lümbær Pünkture concert last night and got totally shitfaced."

Dr. Grumpy: "Do you..."

Mr. Acetaldehyde: "Hey, can you bring that trash can over here? I think I'm..."


Monday, October 2, 2017

Pac-Man 2017

Now fighting brain tumors.





Friday, September 29, 2017

Seen in a chart

This was in the discharge instructions one of my patients was given in the emergency room:



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Thud

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Antz: "Hi, I just got a letter from the state saying I need a form to keep my driving privileges? My last seizure was 4 years ago!"

Annie: "Yeah, sometimes they do that randomly. Just come in for an appointment within the next 30 days and we'll get it taken care of. Let me transfer you to Mary to work you in..."

Mr. Antz: "Um, actually I've moved out of state since I was last there. Can you suggest any neurologists here in Bayonne?"

Annie: "No. Have you asked your family doctor for a referral?"

Mr. Antz: "I don't have one. Do you know one here? Or can you call any and get me in ASAP, and for them to waive my co-pay? It's higher if I'm out of state."

Annie: "We can't do that, even if I did know someone."

Mr. Antz: "Okay. I'll be back in Grumpyville next week, anyway."

Monday, September 25, 2017

Random pictures

Okay, time to hit the mailbag for pics you guys have sent in:


First we have this brand of tea:

"Hey, it's cheaper than Viagra."


One stop shopping:

"Earrings, some nice pumps, get the tumor checked out..."


More one stop shopping:




Apparently death is now one of many "things to do"





And, while we're on the subject of death, here's a great headline:




One reader sent in this badly translated set of directions from a desk clock:






And, finally, there's the name of this yoga place. It make me think the instructor is in a leather dominatrix outfit, carrying a whip.



Friday, September 22, 2017

Memories...




Back in medical school, me and my roommate (Enzyme) had a classmate named Cheetah.

Cheetah lived in our apartment building, and had this phobia of being locked out of her car. Hey, we all have our issues, I get that.

Anyway, Cheetah decided she could trust us (bad mistake), so gave us an extra key to her car. That way, if she did get locked out, she could come get it from us.

So, over the next 4 years, every now and then we'd go out and move her car at night. We didn't actually take it anywhere. Just moved it a few spaces over... or into the opposite row... not very far away, but enough to make her come out and say "huh?"

We did this maybe 2-3 times a month. We'd only hear about it in passing, usually her mumbling about how tired (or drunk) she must have been when she'd gotten home the previous night.

This went on for 4 years. She asked for her key back the day after graduation, never once having been locked out of her car.

We didn't dare tell her.




 
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